Summary of the Criteria: My response summed up

I've just spent the afternoon and evening going over my homework, going over the Summary of the Criteria for Selection for Ordained Ministry in the Church of England, including filming some videos.

As it nears late into the night, and I have read through the 9 paragraphs over and over, some of my anxiety has been calmed. Yes, I am worried by some criteria, and this is only the summary, so there will be lots more detail to go through in the full document, but I feel a lot more comfortable about the idea of being scrutinised through this lens. Maybe it is because of the old adage "familiarity breeds disdain", but I suspect not.

I feel confident that there are lot of criteria that I already meet to various degrees, and the ones of which I might fall short have potential, and a potential that can be realistically met in most circumstances. I am ready for that challenge, and eager to accomplish those skills and needs of ordained ministry that I will need to start the life long journey of becoming a better and better priest.

I have really enjoyed looking at "what it means to be a deacon or a priest". I have written a separate blog post here about what I currently think makes a good priest, and what I want out of a priest from a lay person's perspective, before I become too involved in the discernment process to be able to remember. The hope is that as I gain insight into what the Church thinks makes a good priest, I will have that list to hold onto, so as not to lose sight of what the person I am now wanted of the person I will be, when I am her, if that makes any sense.

In order of most confident to least confident, the sections are in this order for me at the moment:
(in brackets in the order in which they appear in the criteria)

1. Vocation (1)
2. Quality of Mind (9)
3. Personality and Character (4)
4. Faith (7)
5. Ministry within the CofE (2)
6. Spirituality (3)
7. Relationships (5)
8. Leadership and Collaboration (6)
9. Mission and Evangelism (8)

I am most confident about Vocation, because I have examined my own sense of vocation thoroughly, and am in an ongoing conversation about it with significant people in my life. I use words like "inevitable" and "inescapable" about my vocation, and it fills me with joy, wonder, and impatience.

Quality of Mind, and Personality and Character are the parts I have most thought about before starting this discernment process, and I am happy to conclude that my opinion is that I am capable, and suited in most areas, with potential for improvement where I might not be as skilled.

Faith is probably the section I feel most articulate about when I talk off the cuff. It's the pillars that sit on the bedrock of trust in God holding up the foundations of my soul on which the building of my heart sits in the infusing cloud of my brain (if I could draw, I would SO sketch that metaphor).

Ministry within the CofE sits in the middle of the list, because I love my Church, and the thought of being on the inside, being part of the machine, the story of that institution, is desirable, but the responsibility and pressure is unnerving.

It's a serious business, being a priest

Spirituality is less important to me, at the moment, than Faith, but I think because my journey so far has concentrated on faith, first personal then community. Building my spirituality is part of this step, the next step, as I shape my life to be more prayerful in anticipation of answering my calling.

Relationships is not a major concern, but not a confident section. I feel halfway through my process of learning to establish, develop, and maintain relationships of all types, and of course Issues in Human Sexuality needs to be looked at.

Leadership and Collaboration, I am only confident in my potential of leadership qualities. They need work, time and effort to craft and improve. Collaboration is further along than leadership.

Mission and Evangelism I almost want to shy away from. I only feel the tiniest push towards this part of ministry, much rather preferring the subtle elements of showing by example, and providing witness only with provocation or inquiry, rather than proactively.