What even IS a lay curate??

My lay licensed worker team photo, taken outside my curacy church building

When I was told that my ordination was going to be postponed until at least Michaelmas because of Covid-19, I was hit with shock, like a gut punch. But I was lucky, because I was told in March, and as I was due to be ordained in July, I had time to rearrange my concept of my future. Some of my contemporaries were not so lucky, getting radio silence from their dioceses until the last minute, or pin-balling throughout March-June between umpteen different scenarios in regular updates on what to expect. Also, I had enough to think about as I finished my dissertation, got through the last of my teaching (online), planned my house move, and dealt with the emotional fallout of lockdown in a global pandemic. 

I moved on the same day I had planned, started working on the same day as had been agreed, and I have been doing the work of a new curate (in a pandemic) with only one difference based on my lay status. That one difference is that I sit in the congregation at services, in my smart work clothes, rather than in the sanctuary in robes. 

Laid out like this, it all seems like I should be happily bobbing along, content with my situation and basically unhindered by my lack of ordination.

However, I feel a little bit like I'm going mad. That sounds dramatic. What I mean is I have a slight, underlying feeling of being somehow fractured, unsettled, like some of my feathers are sticking up the wrong way just behind my periphery. This is not how things are supposed to be. I don't quite fit this state.

Now I know that in some dioceses this is actually a normal scenario, a new curate being ordained at Michaelmas, so I don't want to imply anything about that situation. All I can do is express my own experience, and it is one of a very disconcerting sense of an indeterminate and uncertain identity. I am one of the clergy and not ordained - this is not something for which my blueprint of the world has a reference point. 

One of the most tangible symbols of this is my clothes. "Well now", you might say, "what have clothes to do with being a minister? You're still ministering, right? Getting to know the parishioners, settling into the team dynamic, continued study, helping plan services, pastoral care, working on a theology project, updating the church website, leading the offices - how are any of the things you are actually doing with your time affected by your clothes?"

None. I will grant you, none of these things are being done differently because I am not in a clerical collar. But we are not simply the sum of our actions, and it is my sense of self within these tasks that is off-kilter, plus my theology of priesthood is ontological, not functional*. The collar is an outward sign of something of the self, and its absence - in a context in which it is expected - makes me aware of my lack. And it doesn't help that, whilst I spent three months knowing and preparing to be a lay curate, I previously spent years preparing to be an ordained curate. I can't throw off such long-held expectation so easily.

I walk the streets of this parish and pray, and I get what I can only describe as cognitive dissonance, and I feel guilty. I know it's irrational, but that's how my heart twangs. Cognitive dissonance occurs when a person holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values; or participates in an action that goes against one of these three, and experiences psychological stress because of that. 

The action of praying for the parish connects with my understanding of a clergyperson's duties - a deacon or a priest prays for their people and their place. But I ain't no deacon, and so my mind immediately connects with my lay status and boom, internal turmoil. And I feel guilty because part of me is disgusted that I would pretend to be ordained. And then I get annoyed at myself - obviously a lay person can pray for whoever they blooming like, what theology am I touting here?! I'll reach up and gently touch my exposed throat, and grief will rise up in my belly. 

I'll remind myself that I only have to wait just a little bit longer, but the time is not exactly flying by. I'm having a wonderful time, I have no complaints, but it's like going down a slide sideways. Not quite aligned to fit the groove and motion of travel.

I don't mean to complain. These are not problems of huge suffering, and I acknowledge that. Plus I am guaranteed an end, it is acute not chronic, and these three months will dwindle to insignificance as the years of ordained ministry pile up. But this is my reality right now, a lay curate who can't figure out what that means to me. It challenges my ecclesiology, and makes me question what the difference between 'ordained' and 'not' means. 

An ordained person is still a member of the laos, the people, for all in the laos have a calling to something, the baptismal priesthood of all believers, and there just happens to be a minority for whom that is vocational priesthood. They are 'set aside' somewhat, but not separate, not vaunted or raised up. In my opinion, it's ontologically a sideways move to a distinct place in the Church. So ordination is not some huge elevation, but it is important, and integral to how the body of Christ is on earth. 

I am functioning as a curate, that's my role, but I'm not in my place in the Church yet. My very nature is held back from slotting into place. I must admit my role is also a little held back, besides not robing - the collar will add to people's perception of me, so I have not done the exploration of the parish that I would have already started if I were already ordained. I want to go into the businesses of the parish and say hello, but I know that's going to be less awkward with the collar, so I'm delaying it until after I am ordained.

This is true even if you don't have an ontological view of priesthood - wearing a collar means something, it is affective. 

I am the curate, but I am only half way to what that means to me. It will be such a relief when it happens, even though my role here in the parish will not change from one side of the weekend to the other. I will be a member of the people of God's Church, and on top of that something of my being, my mind, body and soul, will be dedicated and empowered in a new way. Until then, I'm going to feel (irrationally) like a fraud, functioning in an ecclesial identity I don't actually have. Yet.

*there's an interesting pair of blogposts about this argument within Anglicanism from both sides, here and here.

Video: Fourth chat with the curate, plus being like the Trinity

In the video, I said the curate asked me to write about the nature of God being the Trinity being mirrored in the human experience of relationship. Below is my attempt to expand this.

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So in a nutshell, I said that I find it reassuring that the Trinity resolves the tension of unity and individuality in God's very being; that what seems like a paradox of relationship vs self is actually a fundamental part of God and therefore a fundamental part of us as made in God's image - it's not something for us to overcome but to embrace about ourselves and our lives. God is the epitome of cohesive relationship without the loss of separate distinctions, and therefore God is the example we can follow to try to resolve the tension in our lives.

I am reassured that I follow a God whose being is one of simultaneous one-ness and three-ness, because however hard it looks when I'm struggling to find compatibility between being myself - having a unique combination of characteristics, temperament, needs, and desires - and being part of so many relationships - and groups, and the responsibilities towards convergence and consensus that those entail - it is possible find harmony in being both simultaneously.

See if you recognise these scenarios from your own life:

Sometimes I feel totally isolated; I prioritise only my own needs, and do things on only my terms. And that leads to problems. Friends and groups in my life feel abandoned or ignored; I as an extrovert get grumpy, and sometimes a bit melancholic. Days start to feel monotonous, and as if I've unplugged from life, and I wonder where my life is going. I feel like I've forgotten something but all my obvious needs are seen to, and doing anything beyond basic requirements seems like a chore.

Sometimes I lose all sense of self; I priotise only the needs of others, and make decisions without factoring in the consequences of my actions on myself. And that leads to problems. I over-extend myself, running out of mental, physical, and emotional resources. I become exhausted but have promised to do something else so keep going, sometimes feeling like crying just because I feel so terrible. I want to resent people and situations draining my resources, and find it difficult to enjoy all the activities I'm doing because they have now become chores.

These are extremes, but I know I've been in both scenarios multiple times, and I think it comes down to this difficult balancing act. My identity as an individual can sometimes feel at odds with my identity as part of relationships. My sense of difference and distance from 'others' doesn't gel with my sense of belonging and being part of 'us'.

This comes up in the context of talking with the curate because I am foreseeing the tension in my future. I look ahead, look at the impending discernment process, and I get double vision, because there are two paths going at the same time (which I've said before) - one journey with God, and one journey with the Church. Now the former feels more 'real', it's the personal journey where I know I can be entirely genuine and trust completely in it. And that clashes with the latter, which I'm scared will feel contrived, because it involves other fallible people and I don't trust myself or them enough to feel confident we'll get it right.

Desmond Tutu quotes the concept of ubuntu, which officially means "the belief in a universal bond of sharing that connects all humanity" and Tutu explains as: "My humanity is caught up, inextricably bound up, in yours. We belong in a bundle of life. We say a person is a person through other persons." which is a bit like what the curate got out of my analogy with the Trinity. I was looking at that the discernment process has this fundamental dual nature of 'ultimately' being an attempt at following God's calling, but also 'ultimately' being a series of relationships with a very human element. He went further and looked at it as an opportunity for us to experience, see and recognise our faith and ourselves through others.

I think that's what he was saying. We were a tad at cross purposes I fear. But it is true that we aren't often naturally inclined to approach faith through others. It always feels like 'faith' is this internal thing totally separate from outside, just between you and God. And yeah, there is a personal connection, but just like the Trinity, there is a communal connection at the same time as the separate one and they intertwine and inform each other! So my discernment journey with God is simultaneously distinct and intimately connected with my discernment journey with the Church, a constant dance of unity and separation, just like the Trinity. We are both connected in unity and also defined as individuals by our humanity. My relationships with the people on the discernment process will inform my relationship with God as well as vice versa. And its helps to know that God is also in a similar dance of relationship as well, so I have a chance of striking a balance. Just as God could not be God without being Trinity, I cannot live my personal truth in the light of God without the feedback loop of faith and identity from relationships with others.

Or something like that.

Video: 3rd chat with curate / 7th chat with rector

Three priests and me

A bit more catch up on the things that have happened over my hiatus, as I explained in this post. If you missed it, the exciting outfit at an evangelical church I mentioned was discussed in this post (with pictures!)

So, what else happened?

One priest

On May 10th I had my fifth meeting with the rector about my vocation. We talked about my retreat, and the St Martin-in-the-Fields job, and referring me to the diocese official discernment process. Last time we met, we delayed to see if I got the job, because SMITF would need to be involved. This time, she wanted to check with them for confirmation that it was all okay, like, officially for SJP to carry on with me whilst working at SMITF; she also wanted to talk with the curate, as he would become my main point of contact with SJP; and the third thing she wanted to do was read this blog (if you're reading this Reverend, hello!) I sent her a list of posts to watch/read, she's talked to SMITF and the curate, and we've got another meeting this week.

Two priest

On May 16th I finally met my new boss, Revd Sam Wells, vicar at SMITF.

Three priest!

On 19th May, I met with St James' curate for the second time. I caught him up on the things I had been up to, and we also talked about the job, and I told him about meeting Sam. He latched onto Sam's question enthusiastically, which isn't a surprise; the discernment process is a case of me turning to the Church and saying 'I want to be a priest' and the Church responding 'And who are you then?' So a bit of focus on my identity will be a very helpful conversation for us to develop. I've put together two documents of questions to answer by myself to bring anything interesting that turns up to my next meeting with him in two weeks. You can find my document of questions from the DDO paperwork here, and a secular identity question sheet here.


I need to catch up on my news a bit faster! I'm going to pause my Going Further series for the moment and hopefully post quite frequently until I catch up with all that's happened/will happen.

Video: Vocations Weekend with the Society of Catholic Priests 2016

Below I have outlined in more detail the events in the video, and have included the notes I made at various sessions.

FRIDAY
After arriving at the accommodation and checking in, we gathered in the chapel for tea, biscuits and cake (which was soon to become a theme of the weekend!) to mingle and awkwardly try and get to know each other. We were a mixed group - late teens, 20s, 40s and 50s, 6 men and 4 women, from all over the UK and a couple of other countries as well, on a variety of places on our journeys of faith and vocation.

Our three guides for the next couple of days were a curate at a local church from the Society, an ordinand and parish assistant from another local church, and a member of the Community of the Resurrection, a religious community nearby. They gathered us, and the curate promptly introduced everyone to the "not an icebreaker" exercise of giving one's name, and the story of one's shoe. Vespers were said before dinner, after which we re-congregated in the chapel.

We spent the evening together, first with the curate telling us her story of vocation, and then breaking into groups to discuss our own. My notes from that session were:
- I was introduced to the term 'altar in the loft' syndrome, which refers to children playing at being priests in the same manner as 'playing house', or 'playing doctors and nurses'
- joy/confidence - sharing gospel
- Time is always an element of our journeys, but crucially it is God's time
- BAPs can be horrible - that can be a sign that it's the wrong time
- I was particularly partial to the imagery that discernment includes mountains to climb and ditches to fall in

Compline followed, and many of us walked to the local 'Spoons, having found the intended pub closed, much to the dismay of the curate.

SATURDAY
After breakfast, we set off in a few cars to the first church of the day, for Eucharist, a cup of tea, and a chat with the parish priest, a lovely woman who had had her calling to priesthood slightly later in life. She told us of the struggles in the area, holding the parish together when two merged, the new building and its cafe, all sorts.
I have notes in this slot, but I'm not sure if they were from this session. Here they are anyway:
- if your path turns from vocation into career building, it'll feel wrong
- we are often called to abandon our nets like the disciples, our nets often being our security

Piling back into the cars (the day's drivers were heroic) we were soon at our next stop, where we met Rachel Mann. Look her up. She's awesome. She spoke so eloquently and passionately, even those in the group who might have taken issue with her transwoman identity spoke of their admiration for her obvious faith. I didn't get my notebook out anywhere near early enough but I did write:
- priests aren't superheroes - ours is a vulnerable God who carries the wounds of the cross forever
- people want to love their priest, and be loved by their priest

Speeding on, we visited what was obviously the prettiest church, as it was the parish of our curate guide. Tea, soup and sandwiches was followed by a chat with our monastic guide, who talked of his calling to religious life.

We were greeted at the next church with, you guessed it, tea and cake. We spend some time in groups reflecting on our day, and what I got strongly was a new appreciation for the importance in most parishes (but not mine, so it was a novelty) of the actual geographical parish

We moved to the side chapel for what was for me the most useful session, with the Bishop. Bishops are the decision makers in the CofE, so getting his perspective, especially on their decisions regarding candidates for ordination, was a real insight. He also spoke wonderfully of calling, and faith.
- making a difference
- thirst for sacred and longing for encounter with God
- our buildings provide space for the 'other', as well as resource and equip a community
- the criteria should be part of my prayer on my vocation
- looking for evidence of real, authentic, lived out friendship with Christ, and a want for others to find the friendship
- not a social club - first duty and joy as a church is worship
- discipline of prayer (an unsurprising theme of everything I have heard or read on vocation)
- how are things between me and God? not how should it be or what state am I working towards, Right Now, even if I'm on a difficult path, is there a sense of peace about that path? if there is, I am where God wants me to be
- how am I the living gospel?
- service - servant community, love in action
"Go into all the world, and preach the gospel, and use words if you have to " - St Francis [yay for subtle evangelism! Must remember this quote]
- being ordained in a privilege
- looks for sense of need for growth - TTI (theological training institute) is place/time for formation
- woundedness is not the barrier - what you do with it can be
- the priestly ministry is distinct within ministry of all believers
- preaching, teaching, sacraments, pastoral care, mission
- the uncomfortable thought "that is what I was born for"
- Is this what Jesus is asking?
- red flag - overconfidence, if the candidate thinks themselves already everything required and God's gift to the church

Vespers followed, and after a brief rest, a fun meal shared on the Curry Mile.

SUNDAY
Breakfast and checking out preceded returning to the church where we talked to the Bisop the night before, for morning prayer with the parish priest. Of course we grabbed tea and biscuits, before sitting in the social room for a chat with him about the process. He gave us the perspective, to add to the Bishop's, of a member of the panels that report back from the BAPs.
- discernment involves listening to others, listening to God
- BAP is not an interview for a job, it is a time and place to get to know you and line you up in the context of the criteria
- in younger candidates, less emphasis on evidence, more on potential
- there's a gap in uptake of women under 30, especially non-evanglicals

Going through the criteria
A - being able to tell your story
- listen but also talk to others including those outside the church
- don't be embarrassed
- priest - sacraments, service, connections, represent and enable others to witness Christ, leader
- can be uncomfortable language, don't be scared of the words
B - asked where you've been to, basically tell your story and understand your own personal tradition including how you got there and which forces have shaped you
- good to experience other churches
- two telling questions - what are your interests outside the church? What do you believe will be the main elements in your future ministry?
C - friends can be part of spiritual direction, not crucial to have official spiritual director, though advised
D/E/F - mostly assessed at the actual BAP rather than preceding paperwork
- being able to talk, and honestly, about difficult times
- be relaxed
- say who  you are, assessment is of your calling as you, not the person you think they want you to be
G - not just being a believing Christian - critical, articulate, involvement in your life
- can have nuanced 'coming to Christ' rather than dramatic conversion
- what do I understand Christ to be? can have different expression
H - mission and evangelism = two separate terms!
- look up five marks of mission
I - flexibility of mind, openness to change and challenge
 - awareness of others' vulnerability
- breadth of personality eg films, reading etc

TIPS
- talk to people about my calling in and outside church
- diocese vocation fellowship?
- run with what you find interesting
- not too bothered about being on the PCC or synods
- in the group activity, listen to others' views and draw things together
- get involved at parish level but also focus on bigger picture eg Greenbelt
- be informed about the Church
- inform about religious/spiritual interests and explore why inspired by certain people
- PRAY. Discipline is important, regularity is very Anglican
- placements can be good
- red flag - over-assertiveness, though show vulnerability, only in a balanced way

Mass was basically Catholic, which was an novel experience. Not my cup of tea though. Talked to some of the congregation, over tea naturally, and had a fab lunch of cold meat, hard boiled eggs, salad, bread and cheese.

The last session was a bring and share. People brought books that inspired them, Bible verses, a teddy, and I took my children's Bible, because that's where my story always starts, and it reminds me that I am dedicating my life to a story, the telling and sharing of stories, and I should never forget that.

Benediction of the Sacrament and laying on of hands was all new as well, but rather sweet. I had to run to catch my train, but made it in time, and got home. Yes, I cried that night as seen in the video, but I meant what I said.

I would highly recommend a vocations weekend, I got so much more out of it than day conferences, not just as we were able to fit more organised stuff in, but also from learning from my companions as we got to know each other through worship, sharing meals and experiences together.

Video: Step Forward 2016

Step Forward is the Church of England's big annual conference day for people aged 18-30 considering ordination. It was held this year on March 12th (last Saturday as I write) at Bishopthorpe Palace outside York. The Archbishop of York was supposed to attend but was called away.

Entrance hall

The programme looked like this:

10:30 Registration and Refreshments
11.00 Opening Worship – Preacher: the Rt. Revd. Alison White, Bishop of Hull
11:30 “Calling”
12:15 “Discerning” Break into diocesan groups to meet Diocesan Directors of Ordinands (DDOs) and hear about discernment process.
13:00 Lunch
13:45 “Forming” A chance to hear what training is like (with Mark Tanner, Warden of Cranmer Hall, Durham and Father Peter Allen, College of the Resurrection, Mirfield, West Yorkshire.
14:30 “Serving” Stories from a variety of people serving as ordained ministers in very diverse settings.
15:30 “Worshipping” Closing worship including sermon, and opportunity to receive prayer, laying on of hands and anointing.
16:00 Tea and Depart

"Calling" was spent in partners doing some exercises to explore/describe our calling. We filled in a worksheet with 'stepping stones'  to lay out the major steps on our faith journey up to now. Mine looked like this:

• Part One (age 0-13) Children's Bible - Christingles - The Lord's Prayer - Mrs Currie - Do I believe this?
• Part Two (age 14-19) I want to wear a cross - You should own a Bible - St Michael le Belfry - I'm going to church tomorrow
• Part Three (age 19-23) I'm home - I want to get confirmed - Singing with God - I'm going to end up being a priest - Psalm 143:8 - I think I'm going to be a chaplain

(details in my blog posts first, second, third and fourth).

The steps in bold are the ones I think are the biggest turning points, and what I originally put in the five stones on the sheet before drawing in a million other ones to fit the other points of the journey. Then we did a classic discernment exercise called SHAPE - CPAS have a great online tool to do this exercise here. I've done this in the past, but as the leader pointed out, it's good to go over and see if anything new pops up. Mine looked like:

Spiritual gifts - Mercy and forgiveness, Faith, Hospitality

Heart - Doing right; Understanding and creating understanding; Storytelling

Abilities - Communication, Organisation, Energy

Personality - Confident, Generous, Focus, Love, Cheer, Honesty, Passion

Experience - Stage management; Sixth Form graduation Student of the Year; Different churches in Oz/NZ

Next we looked through God calling in scripture, and I connected with three - Jeremiah 1:4-9 "I am too young"; Peter in John 21:15-19 "Do you love me?"; and Paul in Acts 9:1-22 because he was blinded by his call (obviously I have only been metaphorically blinded).

Window in the main conference room

"Discerning" was great, mostly because I haven't met a DDO yet, and hearing the process from their perspective was really interesting, plus it was a lot more comfortable grilling them knowing they weren't your own DDO.

After lunch was "Forming", which was definitely my favourite part. Introducing themselves as a 'double act', the heads of the two theological colleges gave two very inspiring talks, not about grades, essays and course structure, but about the nature of the formation that goes alongside the academia, the spiritual and personal development that, at a more fundamental level, makes a priest a priest. Notes I made during this bit were:

• hold the presence of Christ in the church and in the world
• non-negotiable icons of Christ
• burden of non-stop priesthood
• learn who I am, who God is, and to be attentive
• Both in the world and in God's world
• Become the person I didn't think I could be, incl. a theologian, and a person who can pray
• Imperfections can lead to positive surprises
• Live from within my heart

Gives me goosebumps just reading it back.

Lastly was "Serving", the stories of four priests is different circumstances about their work. It wasn't the most diverse group - a catholic, male, village curate; a young, female, rural curate; a female, village vicar; and a male urban vicar - but I supposed it's always interesting hearing different stories.

Another note that I don't remember where it came from says simply "There is a cost to following the love of Christ." I think it might have been the urban vicar or the female, village vicar.

Two to-do things I got out of the day were arranging some chaplaincy 'placements' or whatever experience I can get, and be a calmer person, which will take more time and effort than the former task!

Overall it was a really lovely day with really interesting, inspiring and lovely people. I got to talk with Bishop Alison over lunch, and empathise with other delegates over the terrible state of online vocation resources, or at least the difficulty in finding them. They also gave out contact details of DDOs so I now know who the London DDO is and who the Two Cities Area Director of Ordinands is, who I presume will be involved in my case, when it finally gets that far.

I had dinner at the pub with these two lovely delegates

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On that point, the rector said last Friday we could set up a meeting, so that'll hopefully happen after Easter next week. I've put up the quick vlog I did about meeting with the uni chaplain today - as I said in that, I'm meeting another uni chaplain, and a uni college/police chaplain next week, and hoping to meet with a prison chaplain as well, though that's not bearing fruit as yet. They're being very nice and helpful, I've only contacted them this week and already filling the diary. I'm going to shadow the guy I talked to today for a day in April!

Next week will be great, being Holy Week. Sadly because I'm not living in London, I won't be going to the daily reflections, but I'll go to Maundy Thursday, and the Three Hours Good Friday which is always one of my favouites. I don't know when I'll get into London on Easter Saturday; I normally go to the St Paul's Cathedral service but that might be a pipe dream. I'll at least end up at church for Compline and the over night vigil; there'll be a dawn service (which is also one of my favourite), then Mum and Dad are bringing American guests to Easter Sunday, and some of us 'youth' going to the pub in the evening for the young people's monthly group, because sod organising a session at the end of all that. I'll sing at all the services, including the audience-participation-flashmob Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's Messiah, which is always fun! Including trumpet, obvs.

I'll stop rambling now. Future blogposts plan is I'll write something about my meeting with the military chaplain separately, and finally get round to answering the questions that came out of the CPAS conference day.

Video: LifeCall - a CPAS day conference on Young Vocations

NOTES FROM THE DAY

• It is fundamental to call others to God.
• All disciples are called to serve God; secondary calling is what I'm called to in particular. And my calling is not 'ordained ministry', it's more specific than that
• college as an ordinand - formation and academia. Discern with fellow ordinands
• show potential for growth and development
• encourage others and nurture their gifts
• the ministry of an ordained priest is to focus, enable, equip and release others
• "Being at home in God"
• setting boundaries that are unnatural to an extrovert
• the complexity of the CofE is in its diverse experiences
• one foot in the world is important
• Sacrifices of the ordained - strained/unsure/complicated boundaries, not being able to switch off, loneliness, others' perception, not being able to put down roots
• the theological understanding 'ordination' is debated and contested. It's a moment of consecration, that can be viewed on a wide spectrum from sacramental to just authorisation for a function. It is at a base level an affirmation by the church
• there could be opportunity to do work experience in a chaplaincy
• military chaplaincy is a niche calling and so should be explored
• my deeper understanding of myself can summed in
• morality
• supporting passions
• understanding and providing tools to help others understand

TO DO

• ask others what my spiritual gifts are

Art at Christ the King, Kettering.
"Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." 1 John 2:6

QUESTIONS FOR ME TO ANSWER (in another blog post)

• Am I willing to submit to God's will if it's not ordination?
• What is my leadership style?
• What is my heart's desire?
• What are my motivations?
• How has God used me already?
• What is the way God calls me?
• OPPORTUNITY right step at right time, with a feeling to back it up
• What is the Gospel to me?
• How do I know when it is God talking?
• What is the church here for?

Emma from CPAS, me, and Jenny the Cranmer ordinand. Great gals!

Video: First chat with the curate

I covered pretty much everything I wanted to say in this video, which is why it's a bit long.